Aging Bodies Need Comfort Too

Water has figured prominently in my thoughts all week: hot baths, hot tubs, whirlpools, spas, and the like. I struck up a perfunctory conversation with a physical therapist this past week. He began our dialogue as if I was no more than a nuisance du jour, but at some point, deciding that I warranted interest, he began enthusiastically sharing his dream of having a full-sized pool where clients could receive hydrotherapy. In turn, I shared a similar vintage dream of my own; that my elderly clients could soak in invigorating waters on a regular basis, increasing circulation, and most important of all, reviving their weary souls.

Several days later, I was talking with a friend about his recent experience going to a spa. He said prior to this occasion, he assumed that spas are mostly something for women (not men) but by the end of the day he'd been cured of that silly notion. He spoke of how wonderful it was to sit with other men in the hot tubs soaking away the head and muscle aches of harried lives.

We mused on how ancient cultures seemed more comfortable with men gathering together to soak in healing waters. I found myself transported back to Havasupai, Arizona, 1972: two of us, surrounded by Supai elders in a mud sweat lodge on the outskirts of the village at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, a river running by it.

I can still see the faces of the old men, dripping sweat and chanting as they poured water on the limestone rocks glowing above chunks of juniper and cedarwood.

They loved being together, these old men covered in mud. It sure beat the hell out of bingo! When they'd had enough, they would jump in the ice-cold water of the river, then climb back out to chant and sweat some more.

Contrasted in my mind was the vision of the thousands of men I've seen over 30 years; wasting away in nursing homes, crippled from inactivity, sitting in wheelchairs, or begging to be taken to bed or to the bathroom. What a shame that so many aging men and women in our culture find themselves alone, disconnected and missing the basic physical comforts the rest of us take for granted... like a bath or a massage.

Ed was one happy exception. He had a daughter who understood how to properly honor and minister to an old man. Sandra was a holistic health practitioner originally from Australia and well versed in alternative therapies. Once a month for over a year, she would fly out from North Carolina to be with him at the nursing home where he spent the last part of his life. In her bag of tricks, there were always various tinctures and oils, lotions and potions to rub on her father's sore joints and dry skin. She had Bach Flower Remedies to dab on and to drink. She loved to rub his feet, and he loved to have them rubbed. When she was not with him, she had a masseuse come once a week to give him a full body massage. Afterward, he would fall into a deep sleep smelling of lavender or roses. Oh, what a lucky man he was.

Of course, it's impractical to expect that many of the elderly would have access to full-body massages, hot tubs or sweat lodges but more could easily avail themselves of the benefits of healing touch if a family member decided to get a little creative.

Next time you visit an aging parent, family member or friend, offer to give them a little scalp massage or back rub. Don't be afraid to touch them. If they'll let you, hug them, hold them and kiss them. Soak their feet. Bring them the fragrance of flowers. As a care manager, I have seen that at any age, physical touch can be the most powerful medicine.

If you or your loved one needs help navigating the aging journey, Grace Care Management is here to support you. Give us a call at (760) 789-9177 for a free consultation.